Akinwunmi discovered that she could have children through surrogacy while surfing the internet.
She was open to the idea because of her experience (it was impossible for her to carry a fetus to term which had already caused her several miscarriages in the past).
She started her research and found a good in-vitro fertilization (IVF) clinic. Her hopes were raised; it meant she was closer to finally becoming a mother.
But there was one thing missing (and perhaps it was the most important): a surrogate.
The next action to take was to find a willing carrier. Social media became the hunting ground; she published her requirements and waited for responses, which began to roll in shortly after.
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One person stood out. Let’s find her, was the thought.
Contact was initiated and background checks were run.
“I went to her location, vetted her, and everything made sense. I offered her a certain sum, and we were good to go,” she recounts.
But it wasn’t going to be so seamless.
“I stay in Lagos but she (the prospective surrogate) was based in Ibadan,” Akinwunmi shares with this writer. “And the hospital I used was in Abuja. So we had to handle the logistics of going from Lagos to Abuja. The main reason I used the clinic in Abuja then was because it was the cheapest I could find. I wasn’t very buoyant. So I told her, ‘Okay, come to Lagos. Then the next day, we go to Abuja.’ She came to Lagos and spent the night in my house with my husband and family.”
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Akinwunmi was perceptive enough to sense that the difference between her middle-class abode and the background of the prospective surrogate would not be lost on the latter.
“I’m not exactly rich, but I saw her house and so I knew her basic background. Her coming to my house — at the time, I didn’t know it was a bad idea: she saw a level of stability and we also went by plane to Abuja.
“She even said ‘oh I’ve never been on a plane before’ and that I was giving her exposure just to go and test. When we got back to Lagos and it was time to start the fertility treatment, she suddenly thought the amount I offered her was not that good enough.”
The hunt for a new surrogate
It was when the prospect went and returned with a new list demanding higher compensation that it dawned on her that she needed to start looking elsewhere.
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“She brought a bigger list and at that point we realised that even if we offered her what she wanted, she would keep on pushing the goalpost forward. So we told her we could not work with her again.
“Although she was quite hurt, it didn’t make sense for us to agree on something and next thing you think we can afford more so why don’t we pay more? So we started looking for another surrogate.”
Same Joe, minor difference
They found a new surrogate after, yet again, advertising on social media.
This time, Akinwunmi had the prospect stay with her friend who was already in Abuja.
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But cold feet would quickly terminate (pun unintended) what seemed like a mutually beneficial agreement.
“I went on social media again and a lot of people applied. The new person didn’t get to my house this time around. She had to stay at my friend’s house in Abuja from the beginning. She didn’t know me too well. We signed our agreement. I made sure in both cases that we had lawyers prepare the documents,” Akinwunmi adds and cautions, “surrogacy should always be with agreement signed.”
“So we signed the agreement. She went for testing and started medication,” she continues. “During that stage, she then told my friend (whom she was staying with) that she feels sick. She amplified the ‘symptoms’. My friend was so worried that she rushed her to a hospital and admitted her all night.”
“I had to go meet them there. And then the next day, I took her to the IVF clinic. While on the way, she was behaving like she could not walk and kept warning us that nothing must happen to her. When we got to the IVF clinic, the doctors checked her in my presence. They ran tests and scans: nothing was wrong with her.”
“The doctor then confided in me that they were unable to detect anything wrong with her and that she probably just wants to change her mind or she’s afraid so I should let her go. I went and told her, ‘the doctor says you’re not fit to do it again, but nothing is wrong with you’. The moment I told her she was not fit to do it again, she began walking properly. I was surprised because she was limping before we got to the clinic.”
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“But she became visibly angry, walked away furiously and immediately placed a phone call to the person who linked her to me to report.”
The disappointments ignited something within Akinwunmi: this was a real problem that she could solve for other women who may be encountering similar challenges.
“I realised in all those disappointments that it is not an easy thing to get a surrogate who is trustworthy and will follow through with the agreement from start to finish. That was when the idea of becoming the link or middleman to do the hard work of connecting intended parents with surrogates was planted in my mind.”
Myra and Myla, Akinwunmi’s twin daughters, would eventually be carried and delivered through a surrogate mother who was within close proximity.
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“My cousin used to live with me. She was a mother of twins. She was not married. She told me, ‘Auntie, I can do this for you.’ I had to ask her if she was sure. After she confirmed her readiness, I told her how much I was offering to pay a surrogate. But I added that I was willing to increase it and she agreed to it.
“Then we signed the agreement and luckily, it was successful on the first attempt.”
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