Friendships are one of life’s sweetest gifts. Think of the laughter, the inside jokes only both of you understand, the late-night voice notes, the celebratory texts, and the comforting assurance that someone is in your corner even when life feels like a turbulent sea.
But sometimes, friendship can stop feeling like warmth and start feeling like work. And the truth is, most of us were never taught how to recognise when a friendship no longer serves our peace. We were told to be loyal, to forgive and forget, and not to take things too personally. Meanwhile, our mental health is quietly waving a white flag.
Here is the thing: friendship should feel like support and not stress. You deserve relationships that protect your softness and not drain it. So, here are seven behaviours you should not tolerate in friendship, no matter how long you have known them.
1. Friends Who Only Show Up When They Need Something
Honestly, being dependable is a beautiful trait, but being used is not. There is a difference between being supportive and being someone’s emotional or financial ATM.
If you are the friend who is always checking in, offering help, sending texts, sharing opportunities, and showing up when they need you, but your phone becomes an abandoned street when you are the one struggling? My dear, that is not a connection but an extraction.
Friendship is not supposed to feel like a job description. You should not feel anxious that if you ever stopped giving, the relationship would collapse. Healthy friendships are meant to be reciprocal. Sometimes you pour more, and sometimes they do.
But if your existence in someone’s life is defined by what you offer, not who you are, then that is not friendship but ordinary emotional outsourcing.
2. Constant Jealousy Disguised as ‘Jokes’
Not all jealousy screams loudly. Sometimes it whispers through sarcasm, only if you are vigilant enough to notice. For example, you get a job and they say, “Hmm, why did they select you?” Or you post a nice picture and they joke, “Calm down, you are not that fine.” Let’s call it what it is. It is insecurity, not humour.
True friends do not feel threatened by your growth; instead, they are energised by it. They stand beside you, not behind you, taking notes, waiting for an opportunity to subtly dim your shine. A friend who mocks your wins today will most likely undermine your dreams tomorrow.
You should learn to recognise when humour feels like a sting, not a tickle. Friendships should be a place where your confidence grows, not where you learn to silence yourself to make others comfortable.
3. Disrespecting Your Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls; they are doors, and healthy friends should know to knock. When you set limits and they act offended, or when “I need space” turns into “Wow, so I don’t matter?”, then you should be careful.
A friend who respects you will understand that you are a whole human being with emotions, work, family, and personal needs, not a 24/7 emotional service centre.
Respect in friendship looks like:
-
Understanding personal space
-
Not demanding access to every part of your life
-
Not feeling entitled to your time
People who get angry at your boundaries will only benefit from you having none.
4. Emotional Manipulation & Guilt-Tripping
Emotional manipulation in friendship is subtle but damaging. Sometimes, it might sound like nothing serious, but some comments are not based on love. Most times, they are control disguised as affection.
True friendship does not make you anxious about disappointing someone simply by living your life, because you do not owe anyone constant access. Healthy friends express their needs rather than guilt-tripping you into meeting them. A friend who truly values you will give you room to breathe, grow, rest, and be human
5. Friends Who Can’t Apologise
We all make mistakes, but not everyone knows how to own them. Some people will offend you and pretend the world magically reset. Some will gaslight you into thinking you imagined the hurt, while some expect automatic forgiveness simply because they think they deserve it.
Here is the truth: you cannot build a healthy friendship with someone who treats accountability like poison. Grown friendships require emotional maturity, the ability to say, “I understand how I hurt you and I will do better.” If a friend can celebrate with you but cannot humble themselves to apologise, the friendship will always lack depth because respect never truly existed.
6. Friendship Built on Negativity & Gossip
There is comfort in shared gist because we are all human. But if a person’s personality revolves around other people’s business, chaos, and perpetual criticism, you’d better be careful. What they do with other people’s names is what they will do with yours when you are not in the room.
Friendships should inspire you, not contaminate you. They should feed your mind, not fill it with noise. Negativity is addictive, and energy is contagious. So, seek friends who talk about ideas, goals, healing, God, opportunities, growth, culture, life and not just scandal. It is said that we become who we surround ourselves with.
7. Friends Who Don’t Celebrate You
A friend should feel like a cheerleader, not a critic in disguise or someone who gets irritated when good things happen to you.
The right friendships will make you feel like your achievements are shared victories. They will clap for you loudly, not reluctantly and say, “you worked for it and I’m proud of you.”
Friendship is a partnership, and partnerships require joy in each other’s success. Any friend who prefers you small is not your friend; they are your competition.
As adults, we are realising that friendship is not only about history, laughter, or vibes. Instead, it is about emotional safety. Some relationships expire quietly, not because anyone is wicked, but because growth happens and people change.
Remember that you are not difficult for wanting peace, you are not unrealistic for wanting reciprocity, and you are not dramatic for needing respect. Friendship should feel like warm laughter, gentle truth, shared joy, safe silence, and mutual growth.
And here is the interesting part: you don’t need a large circle. Just a few hearts that hold yours gently. So, choose people who water you, clap loudly, and people who don’t flinch at your boundaries, because life is too short for friendships that drain more than they actually give.
