Nigerian parents are known for raising their children with an iron will and a strong sense of responsibility. “We did our best,” they’ll say, and they’re not wrong. But sometimes, those teachings, passed down with love and intention, may not always fit into the lives we’re trying to build today.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about looking at the values we were raised with, holding them up to the light, and asking: Is this still helping me? Or is it holding me back?
Here are five things your parents likely taught you that may no longer serve you in today’s world, and what you can do instead.
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1. “Don’t question your elders.”
In many Nigerian homes, respect is deeply tied to silence. You’re taught to nod, agree, and keep your opinions to yourself, especially when speaking to someone older. Even if they’re wrong, you don’t challenge them.
But in today’s world, critical thinking matters. At work, in relationships, in politics, silence is no longer golden when injustice, misinformation, or bad decisions are involved.
Respect people, yes, but also speak your truth with confidence. It’s possible to be assertive without being rude. Questioning isn’t disrespectful; it’s how we grow.
2. “Suffer now so you can enjoy later.”
From early on, many of us were taught to endure discomfort without complaint. Whether it was a job you hated, a marriage that didn’t serve you, or school subjects you couldn’t connect with, you were expected to just “manage.”
While delayed gratification is important, glorifying suffering can lead to burnout and resentment. Life isn’t only about grinding till you break. You deserve ease. You can pursue success and joy. Rest is not laziness. It’s part of a balanced life.
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3. “Keep family matters inside the family.”
This one runs deep. You don’t talk about your problems to outsiders. Whether it’s abuse, mental health struggles, or financial issues, you’re told to keep it hidden to “protect the family name.”
But secrecy doesn’t heal trauma. Silence doesn’t solve dysfunction. And sometimes, the help you need can only come from speaking up.
Know when to seek outside help; therapy, counselling, or even just a trusted community. Protecting your peace is not betrayal.
4. “A good child is quiet, obedient, and doesn’t talk back.”
This teaching often confuses emotional suppression with discipline. Many of us grew up bottling our feelings because being expressive was labelled “rude,” “spoilt,” or “stubborn.”
But when children grow up not knowing how to express themselves, they become adults who struggle with boundaries, communication, and emotional safety.
Teach yourself that emotions aren’t weakness. Anger, sadness, and confusion all deserve space. Learn how to feel without shame and communicate without fear.
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5. “Marriage is the ultimate goal.”
For daughters especially, there’s often an unspoken (or loudly spoken) pressure to get married as the final stamp of success. Regardless of personal goals, happiness, or readiness, marriage is seen as a box you must check.
But a person’s worth is not tied to a wedding band. You can build a meaningful life, even if it looks different from what your parents imagined.
Redefine success on your own terms. Your life is yours to shape. Marriage can be beautiful, but it is not the prize for existing.
The Takeaway
Our parents raised us the best way they knew how, but as we grow into adulthood, it’s okay to sift through their teachings and let go of the ones that no longer align with the life we want to live.
Unlearn. Learn. Relearn.
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