From an early age, we’re taught that being nice is one of the most important traits to have. In fact, it’s one of the first things we learn, as early as our kindergarten days: “treat others as you’ll want to be treated.”
Unfortunately, not everyone takes this golden rule to heart. In fact, sometimes you can see right away that someone is not a nice person, even when they’re pretending to be. At other times, the signs become so subtle that it’s hard to know they’re not really nice people.
That brings us to the question: how do you tell if someone is not as nice as their polite conversations, public smiles, and hypocritical showoffs suggest?
Here are five strong signs that indicate someone may not be as nice as they seem.
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They’re only nice when it benefits them
This is one of the clearest indicators that someone is faking their niceness. They’re probably around you and acting all nice because of the things they’ll get from you. Therefore, we typically recommend observing how they treat the people they can’t directly benefit.
For example, check out how they behave around cleaners, waiters, and security guards. If they only turn on the charm when it’s convenient, when someone is watching, or when they want a favour, that’s not kindness – it’s strategy.
They use guilt or manipulation to get their way
Have you ever met someone who often makes you feel bad for saying no to their requests? Such friends are usually evil. They’ll use phrases like “after all I’ve done for you” to manipulate and gaslight you into having their way. When they do this, they leave you thinking everything is well, but in reality, they’re not nice people and just want to use you.
They’re always the victims, and never the villains
Another way to determine a person’s niceness is to observe how they react when they encounter an issue with others. If they never take accountability, blame others for everything, and spin every story to make themselves the innocent party – that’s a red flag.
Such people often have the craziest exes, the most jealous friends, and the most toxic bosses. They’re always the victims in all their stories. At some point, you’d have to wonder what the common denominator is.
They subtly undermine or dismiss others
Real kindness doesn’t discriminate. Unfortunately, not all mean people show their meanness at first glance. Some of them come in soft tones:
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A backhanded compliment: “You actually look nice today for once!”
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A fake laugh followed by: “I was just joking can’t you take a joke?”
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Or a quiet sabotage: Leaving you out of plans, downplaying your success, or giving advice that’s really just envy in disguise.
If someone constantly makes the people around them feel small, second-guesses themselves, or leaves them feeling drained after every interaction, they’re definitely not nice people.
You barely feel safe or relaxed around them
This is perhaps the strongest sign of all.
When you’re with genuinely good people, you feel safe, respected and accepted.
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But when someone is fake-nice or secretly toxic, you’ll notice:
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You’re always walking on eggshells
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You second-guess what you say
You’re emotionally exhausted after seeing them.
