For generations, women have been fed half-truths, myths, and outright lies about sex. Some came from our mothers, others from religious leaders, society, or the internet. And the result of that is a long line of women walking around with guilt, fear, and confusion about something that should be natural and empowering.
It’s unfortunate that most Nigerian women were taught more about how to avoid sex than how to understand it. Many never got the chance to ask questions, explore their bodies, or even know what they want.
We were told to “keep ourselves,” to “close our legs,” but no one really told us why, or how to actually navigate intimacy if we chose to have it.
It’s 2025, and it’s time to unlearn the nonsense.
If you’re a woman who has ever felt ashamed, unsure, or just plain lost when it comes to sex, this is for you. These are 5 lies you need to stop believing, starting today.
1. “Good girls don’t think about sex”
Let’s get this out of the way. Thinking about sex doesn’t make you bad, dirty, or desperate. It makes you human.
Desire is not a male-only trait. Women are allowed to want sex. You’re allowed to feel aroused. You’re allowed to enjoy intimacy without attaching guilt to it. In fact, studies have shown that women who are more aware of their desires often have healthier relationships with both their partners and their own bodies.
Pretending you don’t have sexual thoughts doesn’t make you holy. It just makes you disconnected from yourself.
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2. “You must bleed the first time or you’re not a virgin”
This bloody lie is still haunting people in 2025.
Here’s the truth: not all women bleed the first time they have sex. Some do, and some don’t. The presence or absence of blood is not a reliable way to tell anything about a woman’s sexual history.
The hymen can stretch or tear from things like sports, cycling, or even inserting a tampon. So, tying a woman’s worth to whether she bleeds on the night of her wedding? That’s outdated, harmful, and medically false.
Virginity is a social construct. What matters is consent, choice, and self-awareness, not whether or not your bedsheet is stained.
READ MORE: 4 side effects of being a virgin for too long, according to research
3. “If you enjoy sex too much, you’re promiscuous”
This one is so deeply rooted in shame, it’s exhausting.
Women are taught to hide their pleasure. To lie still. To be quiet. To never ask for more. And when a woman finally does express herself in bed, she’s judged for it. Why?
Enjoying sex doesn’t make you “used” or “cheap.” It makes you confident. It means you know what you want, and you’re not ashamed of it.
Men are praised for having experience. Women? We’re policed. But that double standard is not your burden to carry anymore.
READ MORE: Does an anklet signify promiscuity?
4. “Orgasms are optional for women”
Let’s be clear, an orgasm isn’t a bonus. It’s part of the experience.
For too long, sex has been centred around male pleasure. A man comes, and the show is over. Meanwhile, women are told that it’s not always about orgasm, or worse, many even fake orgasm just to please the man.
Please, you deserve pleasure, too. If you’re not enjoying yourself, you’re allowed to speak up. You’re allowed to say “do this,” “don’t do that,” “slower,” “right there.” That’s not being difficult, that’s knowing yourself.
Orgasms are not a man’s gift to give. They’re yours to claim.
5. “You shouldn’t talk openly about sex”
This lie is what keeps many women ignorant, repressed, and frustrated.
Silence is not modesty. Women should talk about sex. With their partners. With their doctors. With their friends. We should be able to ask questions, share experiences, and seek clarity without shame. Talking doesn’t make you vulgar; it makes you informed.
In a country where sex education is practically non-existent, open conversation is one of the most powerful tools we have.
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Unlearn the lies, reclaim your power
There’s no prize for pretending you don’t care about sex. There’s no medal for silence or shame. What there is, however, is freedom in knowing the truth.
And the truth is this: you have the right to understand your body, to experience pleasure, and to let go of old stories that no longer serve you.
You don’t have to believe everything you were told growing up. You get to choose what you believe now.
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